Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
