That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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