Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
