This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
