i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
