I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
