I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
