It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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