i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
