i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
