So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
