i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
