so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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