it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
