yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
