I think I died a long time ago.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
