Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
