So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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