Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I forget how to act sober
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
