I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
