you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
