...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are the jesus of drinking
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
