I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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