theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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