I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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