Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
