IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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