you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
