I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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