He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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