I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize