Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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