Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
