we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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