You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
