I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
