Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
