11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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