I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
