I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize