He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
