Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
