i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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