I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
