So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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