I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize