Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
