last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Alive.
So much puke
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry about my life...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
