if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
