Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize