Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize