but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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