Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
