just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
