i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
NoShamevember. You game?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
