At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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