I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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