Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
