Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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