we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
