Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
