this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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