if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
