She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He has the fingertips of a God
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
