Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so explain again why im purple
no
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
