In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They have beer where we have blood.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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