tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
