grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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