My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize