I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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