Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
