He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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