I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this boner is exhausting
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
