I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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